A message from Bree

Hi there friends,

I suppose some of you may already know, and if not, well, here it is. Derek's condition changed very quickly over the last few days, and on Sunday he let me know that he was shutting down and wanted to start hospice care. That night, he was coughing and uncomfortable. Neither of us slept hardly at all. I wasn't sure that we would make it to the next day. He kept asking what time is it? I would say 3... 3:30... 4... etc until somehow we got to the morning. Alpen was in there with us most of the night too, somehow peacefully asleep.

With considerable effort, he, David and I made it to his Monday morning clinic appointment while Oma and the Lovells watched Alpen and helped around the house. He spent most of the day there, feeling quite uncomfortable with pain from an absolutely awful cough, receiving platelets while everything was set up for hospice at home. He was needing oxygen to breathe, but had also taken out the plug from a bloody nose that had been on and off again for almost a week and was worried the air flow would dislodge the clot holding it all together. We were all fearful of a bloody nose or other type of bleed, which would be extremely undesirable at this phase. He was transported by AMR home. Although he wasn't able to communicate much, he and I still rolled our eyes together as the AMR medics took about 100 years figuring out how to move him from the vehicle to the house (let's just say there was a "stair chair" and several lengthy discussions of options involved). He let me know that he saved a recording of himself reading his wedding vows to me, among many other videos he made over the past six weeks. Although the project is mostly directed to Alpen or other a few other loved ones, I hope I can share some of the more lighthearted ones here in the days to come. 

Hospice care was set up with the bed in the living room as he had previously indicated was his preference. He intermittently wore the oxygen mask. At some point he asked me why I cared so much that he wear it? Since I was constantly trying to reattach it. Of course I wanted a little more time. But, it was clear he was in so much pain and discomfort. Moving at all caused him to cry out. Eventually we all drifted to various parts to try to sleep while Marian stayed up. From the outset, he was still reluctant with the mask and his breathing was somewhat labored, although he said he was comfortable in that respect. Around 3 AM, on this day September 29th, 2020, he passed away peacefully in his bed. We can only assume that he was ready and chose this path to suit him, and us the best. We always want more time, but there would never, ever be enough. After he passed, we took time this morning to say goodbye. I read our vows again myself to him, as true now as they were four years ago.

These are roughly the facts, but there's no way to describe everything in between these notes. The depth of the pain and the weight of this loss are ineffable. Derek was a light in this world and the sun that kept Alpen - and especially me - growing in our lives. He was an absolutely positive and optimistic person who brought so much joy that I would never have found otherwise. He was an incredibly thoughtful and caring son, brother, father, brother-in-law, nephew, cousin, uncle, husband, and friend. I know how much he loved and appreciated the incredibly wide and giving circle of support that has enveloped our little family ever since this all started, 7 years and 11 months ago, with his Halloween diagnosis. It's unbelievably cruel that he, of all people, was dealt this hand in life. But he always accepted that fact, and pointed to everything we DID do and everything and everyone he touched in his 33 years of life. He never pitied himself and never wanted to be seen or understood only through his experience with cancer.

I hope you all can call to mind a memory of him and his whole self, and hold that in your heart always. I hope you will help me remember him, and in the years to come help Alpen learn over time about his dad. Otherwise, there is nothing you can do for us right now than hold us in your hearts and give your love. I will probably add some additional information in coming time for example on what we might do further down the road to celebrate his life together. 

I wanted to share a photo or two from Derek's Point Blue Bird-A-Thon day a week ago (here's his page) and the cake picture since he mentioned it on the last post. Once I get into his e-bird I will be able to share everything he saw, but I can tell you he was absolutely ecstatic about the day he had, at a newly discovered favorite birding spot on Whidbey, Crockett Lake. 

Dressed up for the Big Day out

Back at Biz Point

The annual cake photo, in tradition started by my parents. Although Alpen has joined ours since he arrived.

On our way back to Seattle, Derek convinced me to stop at this farm for pumpkins and squash despite my protestations that it was probably about to close (which it was, but which need not prevent us from being the last customers of the day!)