Systemic Treatment Over. Some Mixed Emotions, but Overall Pleased.

My doctor and I decided to cancel any more systemic treatment because of the increasing occurrence of complications. My doctor felt that at this point, the cons outweighed the pros--meaning the organ damage and possibility of more serious complications caused by the chemo would be greater than the increase in the chance of cure.  I sided with his judgement.

I have mixed emotions because I want the greatest chance of cure possible which means sticking to the plan as closely as possible and taking more chemo. However, this must be balanced against the side-effects, and there is a limit to how much chemo any body can handle.  My pancreas, stomach, and intestines were being pushed hard. These are organs I don't want too max to their limits. (Especially the pancreas which Dr. Shustov described as a nuclear reactor of enzymes--so I really want to avoid messing with that one anymore). It really makes the most sense to stop now, before any worse complications occur. We discussed stopping early when we started treatment, depending on how things were going, so it wasn't a surprise to stop. Overall I'm happy. Hey, I don't have to take more systemic chemo and blood products! I won't have to go to the SCCA all the time either.

All in all, from the first LP to the last bag of platelets, was three and half months. Since the systemic chemo was the one causing the low counts and hospital visits, it does feel like treatment is over (even though I still have some more neurochemo). There were some rough patches, but overall I felt psychologically and physically stronger this time around than three years ago. Dad and Bree were big areas of support.  Dad accompanied me to most of my appointments and sat with me hundreds of hours in the hospital and SCCA. Healthcare can be anxiety inducing when you're awaiting blood counts or test results, so it's nice to have someone there, especially someone medically knowledgeable and stolid.  Bree was a loving and supporting partner and came to some crucial appointments and spent many evening hours in the hospital. She handled the stress that this added to our lives with aplomb. I felt support from many other areas of my life and for that I am so grateful:  my family, old and new friends in Seattle, the Pomona family, my Portland family, the Hullabaloo and Atlanta crew, my graduate school cohort, and other friends and family scattered across the country. I thank everyone for reading and commenting. Even if I didn't respond to the comments, I still saw them and they made me feel good.

Now it's back to getting stronger. Letting the hair grow back in. And getting back in the swing of regular life socially and physically.  I enrolled for more credits next quarter.  I started shooting hoops again this week. It all takes time--I remember this from last time--that nothing happens overnight.

I'm still continuing with the neuro chemo, but I think that is going to one week a month. I'll continue on the blog for now, updating it as treatment continues, but less frequently.

Below, various holiday activities and a trip to Biz Pt.